guilty conscience

The best time or worst time for realizing guilt is the middle of the night.

In the past few months i am guilty of:

– Keeping possible t _ _ _ _s from my big sister: reason: loss was possible until now. No way they are going anywhere now. I need badly to confide in my big sis but i know how busy and hectic her life is right now.  Help Danni i need you xxx WHAT WILL I DO WITH TWO? (on the way to ten weeks danni and going strong ). cryptic is not one of my strengths.

– Hidden my family away from everyone. Its like a mid life protective hermit crisis. Its over now thank the lord.

– Getting to 39 and just not caring

– Not rang anyone much in a long time.

– indulging myself in voluntary teaching and loving it….its actually guilt free because its volunatry but it has attatched guilt of taking away time to ring people and see people.

– letting momentary phone trouble stuff up ringing people and then not following through….sorry ZACHY JACE and JOSH. I do love you all so very much, i am still here and still your AUNTY.

– not posting many presents to people because the postage costs just wont fit into my budget…..hold tight guys they are coming.

– crying over stupid things

– thinking of my parents for dumb reasons then crying again. Its hormonal i guess

-looking at my son twice this holidays and realising he has grown up in some areas and it just fazed me out completely. Its like you see it but its under the current then it jumps up at you….

-spending too much time sleeping

-not playing enough with my little boy recently because i am just so damned tired. This will change soon. Then he says its alright mummy its not like you we always play its just hard for you right now. Melt my heart child.

-gloating i have no neuropathy pain whatsoever and i have it all over my pancreas (i beat sphincter of oddi dyskensia- take that pancreas)

-loving my husband so much i cried. Work that one out

-wearing  my husband like a comfortable old pair of slippers….14 years and counting

-seeing my little sister more than my big sister because of circumstance but feeling guitly as h_ _ _ _ because of it.  I love them both dearly and they know it. If you call seeing my little sister two or three times in a year alot but only recently, once when she came too.

-thinking my doona cover understands my tears more than my husband and then having it rubbed in when he gently touched my shoulder and said “I understand” husbands are so cool. We just forget sometimes. Hormones again.

We all have guilt at times, some more than others. But why the heck does it have to hit you at two in the morning when sleep is a commodity to take lives for right now?

Sorry to those ive not rung, posted to and visited. Cut me some slack and I’ll surprise you soon xxx


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